Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
