I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize