I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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