90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My bed smells like the plague
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
