i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my liver is dry heaving
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
