Even the bartender felt bad for me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
