Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
