He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
