your thong is hanging out like whoa
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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