neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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