you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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