I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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