She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
