You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
