How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
