based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
