I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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