Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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