Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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