what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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