If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
