Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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