So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
