Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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