Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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