I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
