My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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