I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
