My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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