I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
