Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
