remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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