Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
