hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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