Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so that wasnt chicken after all
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
