what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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