Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
