3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
