i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
