she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Bring me that man meat
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
