I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
