He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
