haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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