A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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