she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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