OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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