She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
