when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
