Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
