We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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