Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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