You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
