im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
