At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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