I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
