respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Congratulations! We have a period
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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