Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
