He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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