1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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