I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
