I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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