it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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