i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
