Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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