Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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