thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
